Jarrod Shapiro, DPM Practice Perfect Editor Assistant Professor, Dept. of Podiatric Medicine, Surgery & Biomechanics College of Podiatric Medicine Western University of Health Sciences, St. Pomona, CA

Equilibrium

I had an interesting conversation with my barber this morning. While cutting my hair, the barber described her current schooling as a graphic designer (my barber was a young lady in her early twenties). She mentioned the difficulty she had balancing work, school, and her personal life, and it started me thinking about the idea of balance in life. Is it possible to have true balance, or it is it an illusion?

Balance? Or Equilibrium?

The older I get, the more I realize that, frankly, balance is a pipe dream. My barber made one profound statement during our appointment (you never know from where profundity will come). As a young lady who had just recently entered true adulthood, she was lamenting the time lost to party in exchange for the pursuit of her education. She argued that something must give, that each of us sacrifices something in exchange for that thing – whatever it is – that we want.

What she described was, in essence, the idea of equilibrium. A shade different from the balance of two equal parts (picture the scale horizontally leveled), perhaps you might think of equilibrium as a state of rest due to the action of two opposing forces. When considered in this manner, the depth of my barber’s statement becomes more apparent.

Think of equilibrium as an equation that must have the same overall quantity on either side of the equal sign. For example, on a given day, I might have a total of 16 hours of “awake” time (assuming I sleep 8 hours). If I choose to work 8 hours, then the other side of my equation is 8 other hours, which may be utilized with my family. If only life were this simple!

As stated by my Zen barber, something has to give.

When I was younger, I owned a book called The Book of Questions. It was one of those books you might read at a party in which various provocative questions are asked with the intent to stimulate discussion. For example, one question was: if you could choose anyone from history, who would you invite to dinner? Of all the questions in this book, the one that stuck with me throughout my life is if you could choose only one, would you choose personal happiness or professional success? My answer when I was younger was to argue that I’ll have both.

However, the older I get, and the busier I become, I see the naïveté of that answer, because, of course, equilibrium is the law of the land, and something has to give. For me, there’s a constant pull between the inordinate amount of work at my job and my very important wife and children. I work my tail off to try to maintain the balance, but usually fail miserably.

Is this not the same problem so many working women have? Because of the mores of our society, it seems women get stuck disproportionately with the family versus work conundrum. For many women, they must choose between being home with their child and maintaining a career. Is there ever a balance? No. They seem, though, to reach that equilibrium, to make some choice. It boils down to what is most important to the individual in equilibrium with what must be done. My wife and I made a very conscious decision to have her stay at home with our children while I work. For my wife, this meant putting her career on hold for several years to focus on the children, while I brought home the bacon. Similarly, other trade-offs were made as natural consequences of our decision. For instance, life might be easier with two incomes in expensive Southern California, but we felt our children would thrive best with a parent at home. Thus, our equilibrium falls to a more modest income on one side of the equation, with  happy, successful children on the other.

Working With Equilibrium

So, if this idea of trade-off equilibrium is true, how does one function successfully? Here are a few suggestions from someone that gets it wrong as often as he gets it right.

1. Accept the fact that life is a series of trade-offs, and equilibrium is the rule, not the exception.
2. Consider your choices carefully, knowing you can’t have the equation unbalanced for long.
3. Realize that this entire concept is fluid. Your choices are not set in stone. If you can’t live with your current situation, then change it; reset the equilibrium point. Flexibility on your part will serve you well.
4. Remember, you can’t do it all. Everyone has their limits, and it’s healthy to know yours.
5. Realize it’s OK to say no. This one’s my personal biggest hurdle. Remember that every time you say yes to one thing, something must be eliminated from the other side of the equation, possibly to your detriment.

Science discusses the gradient as a highly important concept. A gradient is created when two things are out of balance. Take as an example water flowing down a hill, a kinetic energy gradient. There are so many gradients (osmotic diuresis, the nerve impulse, leg swelling, a person falling). Without these gradients, life simply wouldn’t exist, and at the end of that gradient is…equilibrium. Like the water flowing downhill, our lives are simply another kind of gradient reaching equilibrium, and the fact that life obeys the same universal laws is somehow very comforting…as long as we don’t fight it. Good luck reaching your comfortable equilibrium.

Best wishes.

Jarrod Shapiro, DPM
PRESENT Practice Perfect Editor
[email protected]

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