Now, the explanation. Please bear with me a moment, as this is truly very difficult and embarrassing for me to write for public consumption. My wife and I have had, for some time, an ongoing debate/discussion about women in the workforce. We have been on two opposing sides in which I have taken issue with my being given more work as a result of coworkers becoming pregnant or having childcare issues.

This stems from my time as a resident. In my program, several residents became pregnant and had children. The female residents in this situation took time off after having their babies, which usually meant the extra time was tagged on to the end of their residency training. This typically meant more residents hanging around and less surgical cases for the other residents . I never complained, and, in fact, never thought that they shouldn’t have children or were somehow less important or had less rights as a result. It was more of a generally vague resentment in a more childish manner with no well-formulated argument. The best emotion I could describe was that I was “in a huff.”

Fast forward over my last several years in practice and as an educator. There have been times where my workload has increased or my job affected as a result of a coworker (not always another podiatrist) becoming pregnant. At all times, I was very happy for them, but there was always this little part in the back of my mind that would groan, “I have to cover for them, so here comes more work.”

Let me be clear that at no time have I ever discriminated against women in any way (much less anyone else). As a residency director, I have three female residents (out of six residents), and if one of them became pregnant, I would be as supportive as possible. Neither I nor the hospital I represent as a director have ever or would ever discriminate on the basis of gender.

With that background, perhaps I can explain to my fellow male colleagues why we need to be so much more supportive, patient, and empathetic to our female loved ones, friends, and colleagues.

First, in relation to my residency, I was one of those residents who “had a baby,” while in residency, only it wasn’t me but rather my wife that had the baby. I didn’t have to go through nine months of pregnancy, four months of bed rest, the pain of childbirth, or the recovery. I took exactly one week off of training after my son was born while my wife took care of my son. Did I have to worry about childcare? Nope. Did I have to worry about the money to pay for someone to watch my kid? Nope. Did I have to stay up all night and take care of a crying child? Not necessarily (although I did do that often – though not as much as my wife).

Second, was I a single dad having to take care of a growing child? Nope. My wife and I have had a traditional marriage in the sense that she has stayed home with our two kids, and I have never had to worry about that part of things.

Third, did anything hold me back from developing my career? Not at all. Since my wife was there the entire time to care for my children, I was free to do whatever I needed to advance my career. If I was on call, I could just leave the house on a moment’s notice. If I was scheduled to speak somewhere or go to a conference, I didn’t have to worry about the kids. If it was time to find another job in a different state, I did so, and my wife, ever supportive, moved with me (three times)! When I came home from a long day at work, there was a healthy, hot meal ready for me.

Fourth, my wife is quick to point out that in today’s society, the same years that women have available to start a family happen to be the exact same youthful years that are necessary to build a career . Did I have to worry about a closing window for having children while I was developing my career in my 20s and 30s? Nope.

Every woman of childbearing ability or desire has to decide on children versus career, and this is not an easy decision. Take into consideration the fact that they may be competing with men that don’t have the same issues, as well as the fact that women make on average less than 80% of the salary of men for the same job, and you will understand how complicated and difficult all of this is.

Add to this the fact that society devalues women as a whole already. My wife, who doesn’t work outside the home, has to deal with society thinking that since she’s a “stay at home mom”, she doesn’t do any actual work. This sentiment has been echoed by my own very traditional father – which of course really boils up my wife. In reality, my wife homeschools two children (both of which perform beyond their years – all due to her), maintains a home, cooks meals, and has driven the kids literally for hours to their extracurricular activities. I once heard a statistic that if one were to calculate the hours worked and the skills necessary, a stay at home parent would earn more than $100,000 per year.

There’s one other factor for you men to consider. Ask yourself this question: how supportive am I of my wife? What do I contribute to my household outside of a paycheck? I can’t count how many women with whom I work that have to do their “work job” during the day and then come home at night to do their “home job.” If their child is sick, it seems rare that the husband is able to take off work. Somehow, no matter what occurs, it seems it is always my female colleagues and coworkers who have to adjust their schedules and lives while their significant others have carte blanche to do whatever they want.

Think about this, men. If one of your children were sick, would you be the one to have to take the day off? If childcare closed, would you be the one to figure out what to do with your child? Who is the one that goes home after a day at work and cooks dinner and cleans the house?

I’m sure there are many men who are very supportive of their wives and female coworkers, and to you I say, good for you. To the rest of you men, I suggest taking a walk in the shoes of your significant other and seeing just how hard it is to be a woman in today’s world. Be patient and supportive of the women in your life. Take on that extra work willingly if it means the opportunity for your female coworker to have a baby or spend some time with her child. Don’t just bring your wife flowers. Start doing the laundry or cleaning the floors. Make dinner. Stop watching the game, get off your butt, and help.

To you women out there, I reiterate my apology and urge you to remember you don’t have to be superwoman. The times are changing, the dinosaurs are dying off. Some of us men are happy to carry our weight together in equality. One day, women will make the same amount as men for the same job. Until then, I’m your colleague and ally.

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