As often happens in life, some things happen with a will of their own. For my wife and I, this has resulted in a somewhat classic marriage relationship in which I am the monetary source and she is the homemaker. Melissa takes care of the house for the most part (I help with cleaning, laundry, etc), and she home-schools our two kids. We’re lucky to have the flexibility to do this – one of the perks of being a podiatrist and making a good income.

The other day I came home to see – not for the first time – a few of our rooms set up for the holidays, and it was at that moment that I again realized something I’ve known for a long time. This thing I recalled is one of the reasons I’m with my wife, and why she is such a special person. Without ever directly verbalizing it, Melissa lives by a philosophy that is best exemplified by something I’ll call…

Let’s start with the metaphor. About two years ago, we moved from one town near where I work to one in a different county. Our new house is much more expensive than the prior one, but wasn’t exactly what my wife would have chosen given other options. However, the house is located in an excellent area, close to everything she and the kids need, and is nice overall. She doesn’t love it, but it suited our purposes better than anything else we could find.

Moving forward in time to a few days ago, I came home to find a beautifully decorated autumn-themed downstairs with red and gold colors and various knick-knacks laid out in a very fashionable style. The kitchen had been reorganized for improved efficiency and cleanliness. We even had a new shelving system.

My wife had made our house beautiful.

Now, here is where the philosophy comes in. Instead of feeling sorry for herself or comparing her lot in life with someone else (“I didn’t get the house I wanted,” “The next door neighbor has a better home,” “I’m stuck at home being a homeschooling homemaker,” etc) she took the situation into her own hands and made something beautiful.

Instead of bemoaning a home she didn’t fall in love with, immediately after moving in, Melissa started putting her stamp on the house. Actually the “stamping” started literally the same day we moved in with contractors removing and replacing the old flooring and painting the walls (every single wall that is). We even had an epoxy put down in the garage. She has spent the last two years turning our house into a home, slowly building a beautiful and calm décor that she loves. She didn’t feel sorry for herself; instead she empowered herself to make it beautiful.

After having kids and trying the California public school system for a short time – and disliking what we saw – my wife made the decision to homeschool our son. She’s not trained as a teacher and had no prior teaching experience, but she was confident she could teach our son. And that’s exactly what she did. She proactively researched options and educational methods. She acquired the tools necessary to teach, and she taught our son. He’s now 12-years-old and is a sophomore in high school on track to graduate by 15-years-old.

Then came along our daughter. At one point, Melissa was on bed rest, pregnant with my daughter, teaching our son the entire time. When my daughter turned five-years-old, Melissa started homeschooling her too. My daughter’s now six-years-old and in second grade, a full year-and-a-half ahead of her age cohort, reading at a 4th grade level and starting multiplication.

Melissa has made my children’s education beautiful.

At every junction, instead of whining about what could have been or what she didn’t have, Melissa takes control of her situation and modifies it to her own desires. Let me tell you, there’s nothing passive about how my wife accomplishes her goals. She goes after them with focus, vigor, and stamina.

Obviously, I’m biased. My wife is a very special person, and I’m in awe of her incredibly positive and proactive attitude. However, I think all of us have something to learn from her example.