My 13-year-old son is a serious classical ballet dancer who is considering making ballet his career. He has been very driven and has worked over the years to become skilled at what he does. He has a very entertaining stage presence and it's pretty cool to see him turn and leap. However, despite his hard work, he has a few deficiencies that decrease his competitiveness. He has flat feet (How ironic given what his father does for a living, right?), and although he’s very handsome and has a beautiful build (he’s more like a gymnast with a strong upper body), he does not have the typical male ballet dancer physique (long, skinny body with gangly arms and legs). In a profession where a very specific body type makes for success, my son has an uphill battle.

Obviously, at 13 years of age, this creates a rather strong reaction with some loss of confidence. He is currently going through an intensive summer program at one of the local ballet academies. This is a common activity for dancers. Their parents pay an exorbitant amount of money and the kids spend two to three weeks dancing most of the day, receiving instruction from internationally known ballet dancers. If a tree equals “mom and dad”, then money does fall from trees!

Anyway, my son, as any normal person would, compares himself to certain foreign kids who also attend this dance intensive program (kids come from all over the world for these things). Some of these kids are very skilled, some are older than him (and thus more developed), and some are simply better dancers. As a result, my son stands to suffer mentally by his comparison to some of his peers. The advice I give to him (He totally ignores, by the way – I’m his dad, so what do I know?) is to focus on his dance and not on the other kids. This is really good advice for all of us to heed.

Run Your Own Race

When I go to podiatry conferences, the one common theme I witness is one of comparison. When colleagues meet up with each other, there is the inevitable pulling out of phones and swiping through images of recent surgeries. This happens most commonly with residents and young practitioners, but I also see it in older docs. There is the invariable comparison. “Look what kind of surgery I do. Check out my awesome case and my amazing results.” Implied in all of this comparison is: look how good of a surgeon I am, check out how successful my practice is, and – by extension – observe how happy I am and how great my life is. Worship me!

As we all secretly know – especially those who do the loudest bragging – there’s always someone better. Someone faster, better looking, taller, more talented, more successful. There are lots of people who are better surgeons than I am. But this doesn’t really matter.

What matters is what each of us do with our individual potential. My son should focus on making himself the best dancer he can be. If that allows him to become a world-famous ballet dancer, then good for him. If not, then he should be proud to know that he put in a true effort and was the best he could be. Yes, it’s disappointing not to be as successful as we want to be, but there are so many options in life if we have the bravery to pursue them.

The grass is always greener on the other side – even when it isn’t. By defining success externally, we set ourselves up to be disappointed because, again, there’s always someone better. Instead, focus on your own successes. As a physician, focus on that individual patient success, that “thank you so much for saving my leg, Dr X” that we all receive as podiatrists. While your green monster of jealousy is coming out, there are people who look to you for love and leadership because they think you’re something special. Even when you don’t.

We each need to get past our own egos and realize that coming into contact with someone better than us is an opportunity for growth, not one for jealousy. My uncle was an avid amateur tennis player, and he would constantly look for better players to compete against. He hated playing weaker players because pitting himself up against the stronger ones inevitably made him better. We should all be so forward looking.

Be internally focused and don’t compare yourself to others. When you have the chance, spend time with those better than you at something and be open to learning from them. You’ll be surprised at how much better, more successful, and happier you’ll actually be.